josonc

2011-02-17T12:26:00.001+08:00

2011-02-14T21:47:00.002+08:00

I haven't done a post on my ord, so this shall be one coming right up. It has got to be the best thing that happened to me over the last two years. Duh. Yep, even better than getting my license or any other mini events that can make my heart flutter over. Initially, I thought the feeling wouldn't be as great since I have already rested for 1 month and gotten used to it. Thanks to all those irritating recalls during the last week, which I managed to ignore/ck through, my ord was made even more valuable to me. I can honestly admit that the number of friends I made over the two years can be counted with just two hands. Which is why my ord is kind of different from many others. I don't regret or feel any form of remorse over that. That moment where I stepped out of camp, of liberation and freedom, is just beyond words could describe. I felt like I was human once again.

Then the following day, I attended the ord function as a full and pure civilian. Despite seeing the faces of those old faggots and fellow NSF idiots who made my life miserable, my anger towards them was suddenly resolved. I just felt that it was enough, and I could do with just living my own life. Their presence has got nothing to do with me any longer. So that was how two years of frustration went off. I bid that place that enslaved me, tortured me, made me inhumane, goodbye. For good.

The course of two years also taught me another important thing, that I should cherish my life for the good things I have constantly neglected. I am happy with this present state. At any period in life, there will be people who don't like you, gossip about you, or spread rumours about you. No matter whethere they are true or not, life still goes on. Forgive, forget, and start living for yourself. :)

Ok, Hokkaido trip coming up in two weeks time, and after that, work at LV begins. It will be another challenge coming right up. But I see more light for this one. xD

2011-01-23T20:15:00.002+08:00

2011-01-16T20:09:00.004+08:00

I guess nobody visits this place anymore. It is as good as dead anyway. Doesn't matter. In life, on most occasions, things don't matter. Five years down the road, looking back, nothing matters. I am now writing, in a brand new year 2011. I wish the emo posts that constantly appear on this page can be a thing of the past. To a certain extent, they are and will be. I can't remember when was the last time a post that contained a hint of positivity was posted here. It could be two years ago, but as I said, doesn't matter. Just like how things didn't matter to you anymore. Was it the fun I was having lately? It was only a matter of weeks. Ok skip that. Right now, the only thing I ask for and can't fucking wait for is for school to start. Funny, I haven't even ord-ed and am thinking of school. Lol. No doubt, I'm enjoying and having all the time in the world to go out. But I am in need of a little sense of direction. This is an aimless life I don't like to lead. I know some people do, but I'm tired of it already I guess. It has been direction-less for two years and it is about time for a closure. An end. Not that I would regain that direction with school, but I need to at least have a damn goal I can work towards. Bye.

2010-11-24T18:42:00.008+08:00

As I reach the age of twenty, I start to learn that there are things which we should learn to ignore in life, and also those we need to bother about. And the challenge is about drawing a line between them. We cant possibly own or dedicate ourselves to everything in life, can we? I truly appreciate certain people and things in life, and my wish would be to treasure them for as long as I live. My birthday celebration was two days spent at a club/pub in town. It was a mixture of both actually. And to my huge surprise, me and my friends were caught in a CID raid. Lol. Apparently there was some drug traffickers in there. I was completely knocked out at that time so couldnt remember what happened then. But those were two crazy and fun nights.
And the main point, I'm thankful to them and also because it was an opportunity for me and Z to become friends again.
Turning twenty also showed me many problems I could have with friends. In my life, there are two kinds of friends I often get. The first - people who appreciate you and treat you well enough to be labeled good friends. These are often people whom, because of many other factors (caused by us/the external) end up being further apart. The other group are those who are just too concerned with their own selfs than to bother much. I am talking about very irresponsible people. This group of friends lingers around and often cause damage. We will eventually separate as well. This has always been the case for me. Or I might have been too ignorant. I dont know. These are problems that bugs me for a long time.

2010-08-23T19:11:00.003+08:00

The amount of influence one has influences how he thinks of himself. In other words, influence contributes to the level of self-esteem. For a person like him, egocentric by nature, turning slightly influential definitely raises his self-esteem. Only in a negative way. I still can't figure out how some people can take his words so seriously, without even a thought.

I lead a constipated life now. It is just like holding your breath for every two days and when the two days are over, you get to exhale for the longest moments. And the cycle goes on. Only after every cycle will I get a relieve, to breathe naturally. I really crave for another escapade. The last one seemed so freaking long ago, even though it was just barely three months ago.

Freaking old song.

2010-08-08T15:09:00.000+08:00

Encouragement is oxygen to the soul.

2010-07-19T09:32:00.002+08:00

A close friend of mine is getting posted out. I am deeply saddened by it. He took the opportunity to secretly add two offs into the system for some of us. I hope it will never get found out. The asshole superior of mine suddenly announced that he wanna award me with a good performance off. For being a worker and not taking MC LOL. I bet he's blind. I'm sure the others will be bitching about it but who gives a damn. If I get all the offs, I'll have 11 offs and 9 leaves, enough for me to fuck off 2 months earlier. (provided I start taking MCs tactically)

2010-07-14T20:01:00.001+08:00

Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes its still better to be a little stupider.

2010-07-10T13:29:00.002+08:00

Jaded by a series of negative events. Multiple hits.

2010-07-06T22:40:00.001+08:00

2010-06-29T00:01:00.002+08:00

Wow. My eyes are hurting like mad now. Last friday saw swelling of my right eyelid into the size of a mothball. I thought it would deflate within two or three days but by Monday, my eye was as good as the size of a fully-grown puffer fish. Damn huge. I extended my MC for another two days, which means 6 days at home. But now, the infection seems to have spread to my left eyebags. I get this infection like once every month since May and its getting irritating cause it burns the hell outta my eye and makes me wanna dig my eyeballs out. I hope it reverts back to normal tomorrow. Shall sleep early tonight.

June was an effing tough and draggy month to conquer. Thank God its over.

2010-06-16T22:57:00.006+08:00

I hate to keep saying this but this is as good as a huggeee turbo engine that fuels me on. I am left with 6 months!

Trials strengthen my faith. I like this quote very much. I even tweet it. For every brick or stone that you throw at me, I will take it lightly cause nothing will matter 6 months from now. As much as I hate going through all that, I'm forcing myself to believe that it will make me a stronger person (I hope). I pray everyday that things will remain status quo, cause I have been secretly enjoying for 6 months already and I hope the peace would sustain for another 6 more months. *Prays*

Guohui called me this morning to ask me to go down for a business essay test at SMU. I am at a loss.

Life as it is

2010-06-08T23:37:00.005+08:00

I think I would still be sticking to NUS afterall. So much for squeezing my brain juices dry to ponder over this for the last year. Maybe its better off going to the university that feels more like home, where everyone else is in. SMU may have better prospects (not too sure about that), but the culture, backstabbing, politics and all, will definitely pull me down one day. I am quite sure of it. I really really hope this is the final decision that I make. ;( Afterall, I just need that fucking certificate.

I hope my uni life will be another blast.

Anyway, I watched Sex and the City 2 at Cathay last night. It was a superrr hilarious movie about four bimbos and I actually found it great. I have quite a low sense of humour so the fact that I laughed like mad shows that the movie is really quite crazy. The entire cinema was roaring and cheering with laughter. Hmmm. I am more or less used to my work cycle now already. Time passes really fast this way, even though I dun have fixed weekends. But I still manage to meet up with friends on a weekly basis during my odd weekday offs, for dinner or movie or just to walk walk. They say that real friends will make it a point to come to you no matter what. And its true. ;) I still cannot decide whether this schedule is better than the normal monday to friday one, cause I cherish my weekends alot. But who cares, its just 8 (6) more months left.

My driving is on hold for the moment. I wanna get my license before CNY next year, so I can go driving around the country. It makes going out after midnight so much more convenient. Cab fares are fricking expensive. Oh and I suddenly want to be in an orchestra again. It feels great to be playing with different people. My teacher asked me to join one by Lim Yau but I guess all would have to wait till December this year. I shall drag someone to join with me then. ;)

Ok that's it for today.

2010-06-01T21:57:00.000+08:00

2010-05-31T16:52:00.004+08:00

Hello to my avid readers.

My escapade to Bali has come to an end. Still suffering from withdrawal symtoms even though the trip was damn short. It was a trip where I could totally wipe off everything on my mind and concentrate on relaxing. Ok I did it with much success, which is why I hate coming back now. And guess what, the first thing I saw from my little plane window when it landed in terminal 3 was my camp. -.- Like wtf seriously.

Last evening, I woke up on the bus journey to a really scenic and beautiful view. Outside the bus was a stretch of lush green grass. Horses and Cows were feeding on them, with little children laying by the side, gazing at the sunset. We were on a tall cliff facing the Indian Ocean. The view was spectacular. And we watched the sun set into the horizon for 30 minutes.

I discovered my love for travelling. It makes me really refreshed for another mile of ardous journey ahead.

2010-05-24T22:40:00.007+08:00

With politics at work, friends cease to exist. However warm and close we may seem, all is hypocritical. Everyone is defensive of his own rights. Everyone wants the best for himself. That includes me I'm saying. The environment influence what we appear to be. After all the merrying and partying around, we are still individuals standing by our own shadows. The facade of friendship blinds us from the cruel reality. In this dog eat dog world, I have no friends.

And I mean at work.

I'm flying off this thursday. Hope it would be a good trip. ;)

2010-05-08T21:54:00.002+08:00

All of us are just so different. I find it hard to cope with differences. So I will tend to hang around with people similar. I feel happier in their company. But people do change. That's why they come and go. In an environment where I can't control who I hang out with, I need to turn to the Lord. Smoothen things out for me. Show me the way, please.

2010-04-22T17:46:00.006+08:00

2010-04-10T22:21:00.005+08:00

For the third time in the year, I got myself drunk. This time, I got myself extremely drunk in Geylang. We were in a 'lup sup pub' and some bastard of a friend kept pouring alcohol into my mug till the extent where I collapsed. I knew my limits well, but still caved in to peer pressure. It doesn't happen all the time anyway.

Despite being very unconscious, I was still a little aware of my whereabouts. It was 5am in the morning and I desperately wanted to get home. My world was spinning and I was feeling nauseous. His attempt to drag me across the road for more alcohol/fun failed. I struggled off the road and managed to hop onto a cab with my other friends and leave for home. Upon alighting from the cab, I threw up in an outburst of vomit. It was 5.30 in the morning and my family were awake. I crept silently into bed and wandered off peacefully into dreamland.

It was extraordinary two days. An eye opening experience. A better impression of the ongoing transactions in the red light district of Singapore. Funny how these girls are willing to cheapen themselves to that extent. Looking pleasant on the surface, but very dirty on the inside.

2010-04-06T14:00:00.002+08:00

April. I look back and think time flies. Jan to March has always been the fastest passing months of every year. I look forward and I see ten more fucking months to liberation and humanisation. I get totally put off.

Nightscape at City Hall > Raffles Place > Lau Pa Sat is awesome. One of the best hangouts in Singapore.

Last night, I was on my way home. Was walking towards the usual busstop to catch a bus home when I passed by a compound I missed dearly. It was my alma mater. All of a sudden, memories that date back to seven years ago were refreshed. I was overwhelmed by what I could remember. Every single building holds distinct memories for me. Like the kind of stupid things we did when we were still thirteen. Running around the parade square, going for computer classes, lined up in twos, making a mess of the kitchen during home econs.

I thought about growing up. When we were kids, life was well-planned in a timetable for us. School starts and ends at a specific time. Afterwhich, the world is ours to own. Playing CS, laser quest, bowling, maplestory and all kinds of kiddy stuff. I miss that kind of carefree life we used to have. Growing up, where has all our time gone? They're rightfully ours, but we no longer have the controller to them.

I guess we only have more time to lose as we move on in life.

2010-03-26T14:55:00.002+08:00

2010-03-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

Its almost a year.

I'm still stranded on an island with arrows pointing in all directions. Many things I wanna do. Many routes I could take. I am lost.

If I am shown the way, then I will just have to follow the footsteps left for me. I don't make wise decisions. I really hope I see the light from the flashing arrow soon.

I like to write here. See the date change. It proves that time is moving.

But moving time is not only what I desire. I desire to walk through the year courageously. Look over my shoulder and feel a sense of contentment about the passing year. I dread to end the year, whilst confused about what had just happened and what goes on from here.

I pray for a pleasant 10 more months. A perfect close to my army life. I will bury all of it, to the greatest depth I can manage.

2010-03-17T16:51:00.005+08:00

I'm currently hooked onto the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. It was first recommended to me by my student's mom and I happened to chance upon it in popular today so I sat down and started reading. It was the third book in my entire life which didn't turn me off despite the wordiness. I was unexpectedly attracted to it. I decided to buy it.

It really is a perfect portrayal of the society now, and what slaves of the harsh and ruthless education system like us go through. By proportion, the amount of effort and hardwork put in over the decades would never pay off. Everyone is trying to get out of the Rat Race, but who manages it fast enough?

Taylor is 14 years old and he's been reading books like 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. Its amazing how kids like him enjoy reading such books at a young tender age. Taylor is an American-chinese and has been in Singapore for seven years. Born to a rich dad, he goes to a special institute for foreign kids, and recieve a totally different kind of education from us. Home-education over the dinner table. The book relates to him well. At a young tender age of fourteen, his rich dad is already preparing him for the future. On how he's gonna live and retire at a young age. His life is planned. To become a rich dad like his father.

2010-03-09T21:27:00.002+08:00

Flight. The idea of it has been visiting me recently. Really tempting. I wish for an air ticket, to a faraway place. To abandon all thoughts and be truly free. Destination no longer matters; Just somewhere without imaginary chains that chain me up, strangling and suffocating. But those are just scraps and pieces of thoughts. They remain so. Fathoming them was what I often did in my 'free' time.

Life has to go on. And it, without some restrictions would be unexciting. Right.

I pity my sergeant in camp. No one respects him, everyone bullies him, and worst of all, he likes it! Frankly, I feel he deserves it. Gambling has been a pastime in camp, though the stake is incredibly huge. Its like 50 dollars for a game of blackjack. Despite knowing everyone else has teamed up against him to rip him of his additional rank pay, he still gambles with them. Gambling alone has cost him $2400, a loss of respect and dignity. Insanity.

Messy

2010-03-04T17:07:00.003+08:00

Time really flies. Its march now and my life's been in a mess. As much as my priorities are being messed up, I really want to ORD like crazy.

Today is 6th of march, the release of A level results for the 09 batch. It is exactly a year since I collected mine. And since I graduated from nj, life hasn't been treating me well. The highlight was enlistment and I didn't know what was in plan for me. I was offered a totally different path for everything I wanted, from uni applications, to army vocation, friendship relationship and my family, everything in life. I started searching for my destiny, changing and hoping to fit into whatever environment Im thrown into. It didn't work. The more I try to fit in, the more dejected I got. I gave up.

The start of 2010 saw better treatment for me. And I became a much happier person, though still living in a self-centered and hypocritic environment. The upcoming 11 months will have its own series of turbulences and problems, more detrimental effects, but with the seeds I'll sow, I'm pretty sure of a bountiful harvest. Its gonna happen!

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can.

2010-02-15T14:16:00.003+08:00

It was 7am on the first day of lunar new year and I was on my way to changi in green. That killed my mood for any celebrations. But luckily I got to sneak off at 9pm to catch some performances with my family at Gardens by The Bay. And my visiting officially starts on tuesday.

CNY was, on the whole a much better festive season compared to last year. My parents, for the first time gave angbaos that value up to hundreds. We spent the night of eve in chinatown and last night in marina bay. Ended up watching performances by a local jazz band which was really good. Kudos to the female vox! Super high. My dad enjoyed it thoroughly.

Woke up early this morning and went zh's house for steamboat. Lots of unhealthy but delicious food and even pig's brain! It was damn gross but I still ate it lol. Met sh in the afternoon and we caught 72 tenants of prosperity, but in the front row. I was really trying to keep myself awake at the front part of the show cause I was just too sleepy. Then we went to walk around the bay, to raffles place, and off to homee. Overall, cny this year was a generally happy one.

And sometimes I emo. Over something, or over nothing. I don't even know what I'm upset about. Its just that huge wave of grim that suddenly surrounds me like devouring dementors, waiting to begin on its meal. A while later its gone. And back again. My friend said I should never make psychology my career, cause my e. stability varies a lil too much.

2010-02-07T18:39:00.005+08:00

Today I feel so challenged and rejuvenated to blog about my thoughts, for future referencing sake, for myself. The start/end of every week is an occasion where I feel an influx of faith and hope, and even so when I got to know more people who are so positive about life despite anything that could happen. I wouldn't know what would happen tomorrow, life might just end, but I'm just following my directive and I know I won't ever regret that. I could sense so much hope, in relation to the thing I know I want most. As an ultra-ultimate pessimist, I couldn't help thinking about how else it might fail. However, I know that if I do not courageously take the first step, everything will soon melt down like an ice cube on flames. Moving back to my point on living positively and light-heartedly, I feel really thankful for the introduction of some people into my life, be it just a passing figure or a close friend who spoke to me, inspired me and brought me back to sanity. Thank you. I want to grow, and only with these passing people can I do so at ease.

Few days ago, a fellow camp-mate asked me, "Have it ever crossed your mind to pick up smoking?" He asked that because I've been hanging out with the smokers everyday in camp. I told him no, and I raised my eyebrows and gave him the are-you-crazy kind of look. After a while, his words chanced upon me again. Five months ago when my friend talks to me after smoking, or when the smokers start smoking, I will make it a point to leave the area. However, recently when A asks me to chat with him while he smokes, I no longer need to speak to him from a distance, I feel no irritation even when he smokes right in my face. I feel nothing. As if I'm inhaling pure air. I realise that I've already grown immune to passive smoke. When A learns about this, he offered me a cigarette again and told me its just social smoking. But even so, I stand by my principles to not pick that up, it is the addiction that terrifies me. Its a life-long thing and I can already feel the pain and discomfort trying to quit smoking one day. So, never pick up smoking.=)

2010-01-28T23:49:00.006+08:00

I hope I have not offended anyone lately. If I did, I really didn't mean to. )=

2010-01-27T15:23:00.000+08:00

2010-01-24T18:06:00.005+08:00

Its sunday evening 6pm and I'm supposed to be meeting my friend in iluma. I overslept cause I was having a terrible flu (a result of chilli crabs!). Chilli crabs are so powderful. I ate a crab for lunch yesterday and the effects were felt in a few hours time. I feel terribly sorry to my friend.

After 19 years of living, I'm beginning to see a trend in how the year progresses. Like the stock market, or the general economy, there is a trend and history always repeat itself. That is because humans are always greedy but fearful, and the same goes for us in our everyday lives. The same old things will happen over and over again. In life, every year is similar to the previous in some way, whether you see it or not. The same old feeling at the same old time of the year comes, and I always wonder why it feels so familiar, only to realise there's a trend in life. Of course, every year is different in its own way and different people/things will impact and change your life but still, the trend is there. I see my upward trend in the long-run, its time to identify yours too! (if you believe in trends)

For faith, I'm willing to sacrifice. I believe this is very true in reality. Nothing much really belongs to us. This includes our wealth, health, time etc.; we merely borrowed it for a few decades before returning it. There is nothing much we can afford to lose since it can be taken away from us any time, and with this, I feel less pain in losing things that I own. I remember writing something like that 2 years ago in Feb when my cousin died in a bike accident, and now I'm feeling the exact same feeling (see the trend). We should value giving over taking. Life is unpredictable and weakkk, I've grown really sick of all the hypocrisy and human-politics in my everyday life I can't wait for all that to end. What's the point, really?

CNY in 2-3 weeks time. I'm looking forward to it! ^.^

2010-01-20T09:24:00.002+08:00

1. I wish life can be a blur.

2. I think I'm sadistic in a way. I derive self-contentment from mishaps of others. I really dun mean to do it, but it still happens. When I come to know of terrible life stories, I get super upset. Then I realise how fortunate I am and try to be contented with life. Despite that, such contentment never last long. Maybe a day?

3. I should start to focus my energy on 'living in the moment' now, rather than thinking about other future possibilities.

4. There are some songs I can never bring myself to listen again; they are like emotional torpedos. They kill.

5. January was blown away. A whirlpool of friends swept by. Thank God.

cpop hits.

2010-01-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

2009-12-31T17:58:00.004+08:00

Today being the last day of the cursed year 09, I feel kind of obligated to leave a note here. I'm thankful that 09 is drawing to a close, and thankful for the few friends who stood by me and offered much much help when I needed. Fair enough, I'm much closer to what I wanted. Not that I've reached it yet, but it beats just sitting on the fence and not doing anything about it.

Christmas didn't feel like christmas this year. The festive kind of atmosphere wasn't here with me, and christmas just zoooomed past like that. So today is new years eve and it makes me look forward to CNY, for the first time in many years.

Driving has taken a toll on my mental health. I really have no idea what wrong buttons I've pushed that made my instructor flare up so easily whenever I make any mistakes. At times I really feel like swearing KNNNNBBBCCCBBBB right in his face. I hope he realise I'm not as psychologically stable now. If I ever do that. I will be eternally sorry. =(

December was a rather cool month. I could see the changes coming about and I hope it will progress smoothly from here. Right now I can only hope march comes fast, and hopefully I can see the real change then. As I mentioned, it was a cool month because it was nothing like november, but I spent almost every off day meaningfully.

Ok, I shall end my note here.

2009-12-19T09:52:00.001+08:00

Serenity

2009-12-16T23:27:00.003+08:00

Now I know why people take drugs. My serenity is ending.

2009-12-16T01:10:00.004+08:00

Addiction. There is no ending. I just keep doing it, over and over again. Irritate me, and I'll do it. Fuck. Sounds damn childish. Just what am I becoming.

Play Station Portable

2009-12-10T22:45:00.003+08:00

It has become a thing of the past.

Finally, I got a reply. A definite one. It wasn't desirable, but at least I had it. After all those empty promises and shying away from responsibilities. It was a fucking long text, full of Fs. Amazing how people can smile at you and send you vulgarities next. I replied with another fucking long text, without any vulgarities but politely wishing him all the best in future. I've done all I could, pestering, reasoning, and this matter will become history.

Through adversities, we grow. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so there's no point thinking about what-ifs and whatnots. By regretting, I would've wasted the same amount (or more) of energy I could otherwise spend on doing more productive stuff. And that would cause even more regret. If its destined that I meet these people now, then there must be a reason. Here I am, on the way to finding it.

Goodbye.

Feels Like Home

2009-12-10T14:45:00.001+08:00

2009-11-15T20:29:00.008+08:00

This is going to be a pretty pointless post but it will still be typed. Sorry ah. I'm as clueless as a nut about how I'm supposed to express hatred towards things, towards human beings and towards life in general. My temperature has gone up by a few degrees celcius and my ability to control my own temper has weakened drastically. Should I contain my hatred and test my threshold, or should I let it explode a few more times and see how many more times it can afford to explode?

Ok, I think this is still the best available option.

2009-11-08T22:27:00.008+08:00

I lost my psp that was barely 3 months old. I'm feeling disgusted because I didnt lose it myself, but I suspect the guy who borrowed it from me stole it. This accusation is not made without any grounds or justification. So I'm expecting a full-sum compensation, but its going to be a tough attempt I know.

Life is being very nice to me, but no complains.

I've always wondered how people can remain cheerful throughout most of their life. Think I found the answer to it today. No doubt, I believe in fate and destiny. That everything in life is pre-destined and we should be realistic in our dreams. However hard you may try to achieve in life, you will always be tied down by something called fate. The reason why people are born differently, in different places and at different times. Don't know how much we could afford to believe in fortune telling, but they can be true at times. The best way to survive all these shit is simply to take things easy and be satisfied with things around you. Easier said than done.

Life is miserable. I dont know what its like to be dead, but I really hope it wont be as bad as living. Probably one day, someone with an IQ of 34559034 would invent a device that could bring us on a detour to death, then we would have a clearer guage to whether suicide is a better option.

2009-11-01T19:05:00.010+08:00

彩虹天堂

我不知不觉
又徘徊在从前
秋风悄悄的呼唤
听来尽是孤单
落叶的期盼
片片左右为难
心走寂寞攀
跟著飘进黑暗

我不闻不问
也许好过一点
被遗憾关在房间
挣扎只是拖延
无望的空谈
一声声的轻叹
回忆扯不断
怎么摆脱纠缠

找不到方向
往彩虹天堂
有你说的爱
在用幸福触摸忧伤
两个人
相守直到白发苍苍
自由的飞翔
在灿烂的星光

有你在我身旁

Still so in love with this song after so long.
果然是首意义非凡的歌。

2009-10-27T20:59:00.006+08:00

I've absolutely no idea what made me start off by typing this sentence on this very old, rundown and unvisited blog. Everything seem so long ago, when I last visited and typed my last word, it was months before. And of course, I've no intention of reviving this site, knowing that I've already lost the energy and motivation to pen down tots.

Reading through the posts, I realised how hectic my lifestyle used to be. It was all about going home late everyday. It was about catching up with friends, worrying over A lvl results, and getting paranoid over enlistment. Amazingly, army made me easily tired and sick of going out everyday. It gave me every reason to take full control of my time.

Six months seem like a short period of time, but it was like a turning point, if not changing point, for me. There were a handful of major changes and they seem to have taken a toll on my emotional well-being. I didn't know the proper way to handle them, and things were left hanging in midair. I didn't know how to react and to embrace the changes. And they affected me. However, I guess I've learnt to trust my heart and let go of things. Maybe if we can't change things, then we should accept, or to put it crudely, blame it all on fate.

The world has moved on, the girls into uni and the guys into different units in army. While I've lost touch with many people, I've had the opportunity to contact those I never had much chance to contact but share common ambitions in life. This is probably the plan designated for me. To take this two years to carefully think through what I want to do in future.

What I really can't wait now is to enter uni. To get myself indulged in fun and academics all over again. I enjoy going home late after social activities. Going for CCAs and talking to people with the same passion as me. I enjoy feeling the desperate need to study for exams. To become pressurised by those around you and start mugging. And most importantly, I cherish the freedom I get as a student. The freedom of choice you never get in army.

Few days ago I went back to nj with a few friends. The school has changed, the composition of students has changed too. Despite all these, it still reminds me very clearly of my life in there. There are moments that will be etched in your mind forever, and these moments may not always be the most significant ones. Simple flashbacks like walking through the main gate after project work, buying drinks from the stalls. And most of all, the flashback of holding the most internally disputable concert in the performing arts theatre. Unlike some of my friends who feel more bonded to their secondary schools, days in college remains the most momentous part of my life. It was a mixture of bitter and sweet moments, but all part of growing i guess.

My life in the supposedly 'holiday chalet' isn't bad after all. It isn't perfect either. Good thing is that you spend your time watching tv/dvds, playing psp, or reading a book. Bad thing is that, every mount, something tragic would happen. This mount, I was totally mind-fked due to a cat. Yes, a cat. It was a measure of my cat-phobia, and the result turned out to be pretty bad. D: I grew really angry and tried to lock the cat up but I underestimated it. The cat can jump really high, if not fly, through a rather high window panel, into my bunk, and onto our beds. That gave me a terrific morning shock. But thank goodness, I protested badly and the cat was released out of the camp. This, for instance, isn't something I can change easily. It was due to a childhood trauma which haunts me even until today! God Damn Cat.

2009-03-29T18:49:00.007+08:00

Here's the song of the day. haha.

i realise that i'm only left with one last weekend before my life as an armyboy begins. its good to see that others are coping well with bmt. and i hope it applies to me as well. haha. anyway, went back to telok blangah on friday to meet putra for lunch. thanks for the treat, dude. haha. and for once, i felt a slight tinge of longing for that place. perhaps its all the nice people i got to know there that made me feel that way. but then again, i do feel the same way to many other things in my life. i guess i'm suffering from nostalgia. -.-

visiting ms ho/dinner with clarice and sf was cool. i cant believe we ended up talking about interviews. clarice's stories were exciting as ever. and i would really love to see sf give birth to a pile of shit. LOL.

I visited sentosa on saturday, not alone lol. u get wad i mean if u get wad i mean, haha. i really think they're making lots of money, and even more would start rolling in once the IR is completed. that's my dream workplace but as u know, dreams never come true. i'll probably end up working in a dead boring place. so we took pictures, utilising my camera to the max, became abit high and i reached home by 0000hrs.

2009-03-26T22:48:00.004+08:00

this song rocks man, totally! haha.

anyway, i went phuture with some friends on wednesday night. it was a great night. and because they were quite some crazy party animals, it was even more fun. and guess what? i ran into shirlene, weishun and another nj guy named arthons there. they were celebrating their friend's birthday and i swear shirlene was drunk. haha. she was really high and screaming.
we drank till our hearts content, a few jugs of vodka and beer, and we stepped into the dance floor and danced for a few hours. afterwhich, our legs were damn tired and we went outside to stone and chill for 2 hours before taking the morning cab home. i got knocked out the moment i reached home. that afternoon, i woke up feeling as if i rear butterflies in my tummy. too much liquor sucks. haha.

i was blog-hopping and i came across a post by a good friend of mine. i was touched, especially when the topic of trust has continuously been ringing in my head these few weeks.

"Trust is what I build on. But do you get to trust yourself and the people around you?I realised I put more trust on my male friends and I have more counting on. gawd.I do, that's why I have a few trusthworthy friends who are worth my friendship. I could even say that I want them more than anything else, which I did. I can forgo any relationship just for a friend who is worth my cheek. Okay, my heart. It's weird and not relevant, but that's bad about me. My previous bfs did say and ask why I could do so much for a friend but not him/them. Well, simply said, I will not be able to find a friend so worthy for my life.So... I couldn't bear to part with my special, best friends. Bestie, your university discretionary admission write up needs loads of correction and depth. hah. I'm honoured you wanted me to edit. That's because I'm simply too free too. I love writing such stuffs.brings my ego up and also, definitely brings self improvement. Moreover, he's my bestie! So it adds on to why I must help, I want him to get into the course at NTU. Right, this is how much a super bestie will do. All the best, I will help as much as I could."

I thank god for a friend like that. :)

2009-03-16T16:27:00.002+08:00

2009-03-14T20:24:00.011+08:00

i'm bored. so i'll post about last night.

we went for usarin's bday party at the singapore flyer. its like, easily voted one of the coolest hangouts in this pathetic island. had popeyes and then, usarin and xy decided to go for a fish spa. LOL. they started screaming the moment their toes touch the surface of the water cause the fishes swarmed in to nibble their legs. and i bet that was itchy. so most of the time they were screaming. and norman video-taped the process. haha. finally sa could not stand it and walked over, grabbed their legs and shoved them into the water. man that was a loud one. the glass walls nearly cracked. -.-

after that, we headed over to clark quay, to a damn cool pub which we spotted during our clique outing a month ago. i was feeling sad because the imba saxophonist wasnt playing that night. they ordered cocktails while i sat there to let my nose breathe, i was nurturing a flu and it was about to crack apart already. at around 11 plus, we boarded the last bus home and i fell asleep after taking a pill.

this morning, i woke up feeling as if i owned a head which weighed 7 tonnes. but i still went for ntu and nus open houses with swiss ppl. all of them did like damn well, scoring triple distinctions or more. it isnt surprising anyway. lol. the open houses didnt really excite me. but talking to them did.

that's the end of today. bb.

2009-03-11T10:33:00.009+08:00

i watched this movie like, a week ago. and that's before my mood could even be killed by A lvls results day. if u dun mind the dressing and undressing part of the dead, which took up more than 1/2 of the show length, if the movie was less draggy, and if the plot was slightly better, then it would be perfect. haha. after a long wait for related kind of shows, i'm watching this from a rather biased viewpoint, opinions could be highly prejudiced. haha.

watch and listen! haha. ok, off to sa's house. bb.

2009-02-28T20:24:00.005+08:00

i'm back from outing with some random co ppl at marina square. it has been a while since we met. we ate for an hour and sat at the restaurant to talk for like 4 hours. the staffs there more than welcome us. so we talked about school stuff and those old days, about audrey's rich daddy, about clarice's experience with touching guy's .. ahem, and about results. then reality hit me. they are coming out in less than a week!
all along i never really bothered because i tot results dun matter much to me as long as i get into a decent course in uni. my future will still be determined by my work performance. but today, i felt a tinge of fear as the day draws nearer. i might not even get into uni. :o
results aside, i went for a stroll around the city today. i wanted to walk from esplanade to city hall and then to town, to take a bus home. but somehow i lost my directions and went walking towards bugis, which was further from home. but i took bus home anyway. strolls around the city are good for health. so do take more strolls in future.
i think i'm missing my optimistic days too much. this superficiality around me and in me is killing me.
pls, come home soon. -.-

2009-02-26T18:25:00.007+08:00

I'm back from taiwan and i think its a really cool place, to shop and to eat. they understand us and we understand them, that's the main point. haha. they've got hundreds of channels, so i never got tired of watching tv in my room, or in the gym. mediacorp should really do something to enhance its television programmes.
overall, the entire trip was about eating, sleeping and shopping. after every meal, i got to take a nap on the bus. and then wake up to eat again. and slowly, i gained 4kg in 8 days. yea, i measured the before and after. its a really great place to put on some weight. :D
I made friends with my 4 year old nephew, Bennett there. he's really chubby, with alot of squashable baby fats. i pinched his cheeks until he kept pushing my hand away whenever my fingers got near him. haha. he's a really cute baby to play with.

I also met a fellow njcian, cheng xiang on one of the mountain tops there. so we took a photo.

I got a shock in taiwan when i went blog hopping and realised lm snipped her fringe off. LOL. dun emo la. everyone had bad hair day.. be grateful urs come once in a blue moon.
alright, taiwan's such a cool place i swear i'll visit it again. but this time with my friends.

2009-02-06T20:58:00.007+08:00

since its the last day of the week, i decided to blog. i sacked my boss on monday. 13th was supposed to be my last day, but she extended it to 17th. which is one day before i fly for taiwan cus there's alot more work to do. i'll be back on 26th. and A lvl results should be released by then. so scary.
anyway, i killed one plus month by working in safra. work has been pretty stressful these days. everyday in the office i fear of advising the wrong things on the phone, and recieving complains. hahaha.
it made me a litttle bit more prepared for tekong too. three months later when i walk down the jetty to board the ferry, or when i climb onto a tonner, or when my colleagues from safra come down for recruitment talk, at least it wont seem so foreign to me. -.- so emo. this is known as the pre-enlistment down syndrome. haha.
i tried most of the food available at bukit merah food centre. and they're comparable to btfc's. i also made two really good buddies working there. i guess i'll be going down to bukit merah to meet them for lunch occasionally after my taiwan trip. haha.
i changed a new phone. a phone lousier than ever. its slow and retarded. and the keypad is like stones. poking stones. this phone is so dumb, it cannot register some of my contacts. and because its so slow, i take very long to reply a msg. =(
so dun blame me if i reply ur msg slowly.

overnight cycling.

2009-01-18T22:31:00.002+08:00

I went to toa payoh safra club to work OT today. haha. i worked with three aunties there and i met my cousin, who's working there too. tpy's really such an ulu place. i had a difficult time finding my way there. but i guess all was worth it cause its double pay today.
I was supposed to work from 12 to 6, but the crowd was unbearable so they asked me to stay on. and the three aunties treated me to dinner cause they said i very good boy. this will never happen back at the office. -.-
anyway today, something really dumb happened. its so dumb i cannot take it. i asked a customer who was signing up for dependent membership if she brought her marriage cert. and she stupidly told me. "i didnt bring my marriage cert, but i brought my death cert." LOL. i nearly died laughing in front of her. she said it wrongly, and she meant death cert as birth cert. then i tried to control myself, cause she was looking quite stern yet damn silly. so i went to the back to laugh, and i asked my colleague to take over.
today's my second day with retainers. the pain's still unbearable. haiz.

2009-01-17T10:54:00.002+08:00

i just put on my retainers and it was FUCKING PAINFUL. raohahoehjerhojerojgkerf. my teeth are going to drop out soon. because they cannot take the pain. and now i probably speak like an idiot so i wldnt wish to talk at all. anyway, after work last night, i went back to nj. there were also, minghan danhong shanly alvin adeline and shijun. i was nearly about to back out and head home because the bus took damn long to come until dh told me co practise havent ended. it was already 730. i reached nj at 8pm and they just ended.
then we went to eat at KAP. lol miss that place. that was the eating outlet we always headed for during our syf year because our prac always end at around 9 plus. and other eating outlets are already closed. so we ate. and chat. and chat. and oh yea, we ate students meal. ok actually there's nothing much but i just typed a whole chunk of rubbish to entertain myself. because i cant talk now. -.-

2009-01-08T23:45:00.004+08:00

ok i must do this. today i took off my braces after a freaking long wait. 4 years? the dentists all seemed so nice today. and somehow i just love to smile and talk now. i'll no longer be dao. =D then i went back to work, and it was really a crowd today. apart from my colleagues, the first person i saw braces-less was serenemoo the china doll, esp with her big china bun today. and then xiaomin. and she said no difference -.- omgggg ok nvm. 3 more days at jurong point. must tahan all the way. i have nice colleagues. kk i'm done. good night!

2009-01-02T23:05:00.005+08:00

On my first few days of work, i had a feeling that i would face retrenchment very very soon. like after the roadshow. and after some calculations, assuming that i get retrenched on 13th jan, i would have made 672.50 bucks. i dont mind getting retrenched then. LOL. i think they hired more than enough ppl. cause i finish my work around 4.30 daily and i go around the office begging ppl for more work. then they'll start diverting me to different ppl for help when none needs me -.- feels damn weird to sit there and stone for 2 hours, while money gets into my pocket.
On a side note, i think companies like safra has super low efficiency. they kept insisting that i do things slowly and let the NSF (my friends -.-) queue and wait. lol i was feeling sad for them.
Adult fare really sucks. i spend like 2 dollars plus travelling to work every day. another 2 dollars plus back. and yesterday, i forgot to scan my card before i alight, forgetting that its the DI sound now. $_$ heartache.
I'm super lazy to blog about the kbox and countdown. haha. more information can be acquired from LTB's blog. anw. she's seriously the funniest person i've ever met. and she probably forgot to grow up cus she talks and behaves like my 5 year old nephew. haha. i met up with swiss cellobass on 31st too, after fourrrr years. met for a few hours and i left to return lm 1 dollar. then as i'm writing this, i just realised. i forgot to return her the money that day. -.-
2008 went past like a breeze. it started off well but ended off really terribly, with many things crashing at me. i'm well aware that 2009 would be much worse, thanks to ns and the stupid adult fare. the future is so bleak and uncertain. sob. i want a fresh new year and meet fresh new NICE ppl and experience fresh new things that does not, in any way include NS. -.-

2008-12-30T20:41:00.002+08:00

first day of work at safra.
i went in and met the two other people who are supposed to be doing the same job as me. one was from NJ for 1st 3 months and he knows norman, usarin, jianhao, kokhao etc. too. the other was from swiss and two years my senior. he knows most of my seniors. lol i conclude that this is really a small world. the other staffs were also nice ppl so i'm quite lucky. phew.
today we went to pulau tekong in a caravan cause we're supposed to be hosting some safra membership talk there. and i was supposed to help out with the application and speech. we took a free ferry there. i guess all ferry rides are free. haha. over there, i met some of my friends who've enlisted. Charlie Khoo. Teo Waikit. Junhan from rv and also nicholas from s12. all looking the same. and some other people i know by face. haha. i had a shorrrt chat with charlie and junhan. charlie said i shuang -.= but when april comes. things would be different. i feel for them, seriously. so i asked them to jiayou for the few weeks there. cant believe it will be my turn soon. and the next time i go tekong, i'll probably see more friends. the january batch. all botak. -.=
it must be weird to see guys in tekong with longer than 1cm hair. this guy was like staring at me for more than 10 seconds when i walked past until i felt like wtf, so weird. i bet he misses his hair. sob.
then we went back to office to work and the day ended like that. anyway. i'll be at jurong point for roadshow. entire of next week, monday to sunday. come and finnndd me. haha.
when things happen too fast. i cant breathe. nor think. nor react.

2008-12-21T20:34:00.003+08:00

this week has been quite happening. so i decided to blog. first, i got a job at safra but still dont know when to start work. that also mean i might need to tag along to tekong even before enlistment lol.
i broke my personal record on tuesday by playing purely etudes for 6 hours straight. till my fingers were too swollen and painful for more. i'm happy for my own accomplishment. haha.
got to meet up with swiss ppl even though some of them have alr enlisted. watched the day the earth stood still in jurong point and the storyline sucks. it was horrible so dun watch it unless u just want to see ur fav actor/actress there. then i watched twilight for the second time. but it was still nice lol. during the movie i had time to reflect. to reflect on how i've been spending too much money on movies :x
went for dragonboating at kallang this morning. it was the cause of my muscle aches and tan. i didnt expect to meet the aj cellist, diana there. lol such coincidence. she's a friendly person and she kind of psycho-ed us to join her team. hmm. then we went for the 5km race to marina barrage. it was freaking hell tiring, but quite fun. reaaallly tired after that i almost died in the river. good training for ns. haha. but our boat still got 1st. because it comprises of mostly pro rowers. -.=
i'm afraid of the future and how uncertain it is. i want to say many things but i cant. i want to know many things but i cant. and i wished this was a merrier and more meaningful post. z.

2008-12-14T14:26:00.003+08:00

hello.
i threw my blog away but found it back again. it has been a month and 7 days since i last posted. =D today's a sunday and i'm bored. i decided that i'm gonna be quite tired and lazy after work so i had to ps jh and friends. ok, i watched two movies in two days and both were great. the first was twilight, and thanks for the company.=) cape no. 7 was a looonng awaited movie that i wanted to watch badly. after watching it i must say it left a great impact on me. the music and the 7 love letters were sooo emo-fied, enough to cover up all of its other 'flaws' in the movie. i've no idea why some said it wasnt nice, but at least all of us enjoyed it.
work has been interesting. came across some super nice and mean ppl. and i even set a dog free! LOL. i've no idea where the dog has gone after it ran out of the gate. meanwhile, i'll continue looking for jobs so that i can sit in the office and slack my time off. haha. but i need money.
something random. i'm in love with vibratos. i admire singers who uses them well (patrick for example haha). i spam it in my playing, and often excessively. and i always thought cello was the best instrument to produce solid vibratos. until saturday, when i heard one of jingyin's sheng play in the co competition. it came out so natural and nice. my heart melted -.=
ok super random.
have a great week aheadd. and for those in NS, all the best.

2008-11-07T20:59:00.002+08:00

woah. in a blink of an eye, we've already half completed a levels. great. i never knew i could study so hard until a levels begun. hahaha. GP paper 1 started on a fine note. i'm glad i chose the right question and made my best out of it. however, paper 2 turned out to be a disaster. the invigilator started 20 mins earlier for our class, even before other classes were released from paper 1. when other classes were released, it was super noisy, and i rmb reading the same paragraph for at least 20 times i'm not kidding. idiot. but nvm, at least its over forever. =D
math papers were horrifying experiences. it used to be 1 of my best subjects in swiss, but everything changed since i stepped into NJ. my marks have been dipping, together with my morale. and today, i cant be more happy that all these nonsense has come to an end. woohoo.
h1 bio was probably 1 of the best papers i've sat for. i studied like mad for it. and most came out. lucky haha.
chem was stupid. it cant be any stupider. i drank 4 bottles of water and went to the toilet once before going into the gym. i visited the toilet for another time while doing the paper. and the third time i needed to go to the toilet, i had approximately half an hour left. so i decided to finish my last question before going. i controlled. i almost burst. by the time i finished, it was 15 mins left. but the invigilator refused to let me go and said it was a breach of exam regulations. i had to go back to my seat and for that 15 mins, i couldnt focus on checking i was going crazy. this caused me 5 careless marks. but overall, i thought chem was still okay.
this entire process of studying makes me want to puke. and i hope it will be gone for good. 2 years of holiday ahead. hahaha.

2008-10-17T21:49:00.003+08:00

yesterday was graduation day.
it has been a very very very long time since i last blogged. we had our last assembly in our lives. realised that the school really discriminates co alot. there were videos of all performing art groups except ours. the school discriminates students too. by making students sit on the floor even on graduation day. so cheapskate ah.
okay managed to take photos with many ppl. waiting for them to send me. haha. i tot ytd might have been the last chance i'll get to chat with some ppl in school. (except maybe results day) two yrs in jc has flown by. time really flies. but those school day memories will remain etched in my mind for a very long time to come. i'm grateful to everyone i know in school. to our clique in co and fellow friends. to the exco. to my class. to random people like. u and me. for making school much more exciting. ppl were amazing. amazing when it comes to being a friend. or just being worthy of trust, and i mean co in particular haha. simply too many to name alr. there're also incredible people like, laimeng. lol lol. all these joy and laughter might come to an end very soon, when we leave. D=
today i went for the last GP tuition with ms ho. think we've really invested loads of money into this h1 subject eh. lol hope to see higher returns from it soon. for now, i guess its highly advisable that we mug. haha. it'll be my last chance to turn those fabulous prelim results into something nicer. okay mug on.

2008-09-14T22:13:00.011+08:00

post prelims activities.
friday, went iceskating with people from co, s20 and yangyan. lol okay, it was fun, but damn tiring. imagine skating for half a day without food. i fell down a couple of times in attempt to learn stunts from jiahao, who's pro. in the end, almost everyone fell down. thanks to us. haha. went to danhong's house for movie marathon afterward. one featured m18 scenes while the other was rule no. 1. i didnt mean to scare charlyn so much, really. she cried in the end, made me feel guilty. serene and i watched this movie before, so it wasnt much of a scare for us. by night, we left for the park to play with sparklers. jiahao gave the idea to form letters using sparklers. and we did it. the outcome on camera was amazing. haha.
saturday, went for class outing with s19 at sentosa. turnout rate was rather high. haha. we had picnic for lunch and then started playing ball games and frisbee. managed to get a volleyball court there and we started playing. after a while, other players came and offered to challenge us so they could share the court too. we agreed in the end. it wasnt that bad after all, cause we managed to match up with them in the first half of the game. we lost eventually. but we still did great, being inexperienced players. and i'm starting to like this beach sport. must train, haha. at night, we went vivo for dinner at food republic. a great day we had.
this morning, i woke up and experienced the total impact of yesterday's sunburn. met yh in the morning to study, cus we didnt go for service today. wasnt really in the right mood for studies at this point in time. lolz. in the afternoon, had tuition and then headed off to town.
the week, i had all the fun in my life. i cant make up whether i became happier or not. one thing for sure, i was injured all over. swollen hand from beach volleyball, kneecaps from skating, burnt neck, and my soles are starting to peel. woohoo.

pictures.

2008-09-07T20:13:00.011+08:00

hello. this weekend, i had a new outlook on life.
yesterday, we had alvin's bday celebration at shokudo. wad a place for jap ppl. eg, danhong,adeline. ok so, pictures. charlyn said my blog's boring.=)

freaky shot.

serene told us that this is jiateng. hahaha.

credits: dh's photos from her blog, mostly taken by minghan.
and no mh, dun try. lolz.

i thank those who've showed concern over my previous post in any way. =)

2008-09-05T22:38:00.005+08:00

a scar that will never heal..

he smashed his phone into pieces like how he smashed everything up.
for that, i cant express how much i wanted to leave this place..
emotions ruled over me and for the first time in many, many years, my tear glands were triggered.
i will not hate him, like how he hated his father.
its never worth it.

but despite all these, i'm happy. =)

2008-09-04T12:09:00.002+08:00

recently, ppl around me have been influencing me with discussions about life. what i plan to do in the future. this sets me thinking real hard. i dun seem to be able to identify my ultimate destination in life yet. cus i know that along the way, i've destroyed too many of my dreams. they've changed ever since. on a brighter note, now i know that my future would be more secure, socially and financially, to a certain extent.
i seem to be anticipating the year 2009 very much. i'd be serving ns then, but i'll have all the time in the world to do all the things that i long wanted to do. the wait has been long. to be away from studies and restrictions. hmm. i hope it comes true.
so today, i stayed at home. otherwise, the above few paragraphs of rubbish would not have been there. cus i wouldnt even be thinking about it carefully. the initial plan was to mug at BPP mac with nick chan and charlyn in the morning, go lido to mug with co peeps in the afternoon. but laziness rode over me, and probably charlyn too, i stayed home to do chem/sleep.
i did the specimen paper 07, and guess wad. i got everything wrong. -.- every single question of mcq. i still cant figure that out. spells trouble, seriously.

2008-09-02T12:32:00.016+08:00

hello.
we had another mini class outing to kbox on monday. nothing much to blog about actually. i guess the focus of the outing was on someone. haha, and that's tan yiwen. superstar finalist, prom queen nominee with great voice. :O dun kill me. she amazed us with all her solos.
other than that, we had fun.
probably, the ultimate fun of most of the kbox outings would be to discover friends' talent in singing. lolz.
and i found a perfect term to describe xiao ding dang there - 'put off'.

4bia was nearly one of the best horror movies i've watched in my entire life. everyone should catch it. haha. it's muchhh nicer than prom night, dorm, and definitely strangers. satisfaction guaranteed. dun even dare to think about it now.

2008-08-31T11:12:00.004+08:00

A nice song to share.
credits: yh's mp3.

all these are running through my mind right now, or otherwise..

2008-08-29T17:25:00.003+08:00

hello, happy teachers day to everyone.

today, i went to school for the celebrations. ok, they were boring. so i ponned halfway to meet bokguan and zixin in the canteen. and we went back to swiss together.
the school has changed a lot. the principal, teachers and students. but the surrounding was the same. our classroom didnt change at all. the stupid 'fu' tablet that we hanged on the projector screen out of mischief was still there, even after two years. bg's picture took the form of a poster -'spirit of scientific inquiry', and was pasted in our classrooms. haha. can throw darts. we were late, so didnt manage to see any teachers. but i saw a senior instead. -.-i saw some familiar faces. got a bit of shock cause ppl have changed damn lot. but almost couldnt recognise some lol.
then i went with my class for lunch at macs and movie. it has been a long time since we met.. they were as sick as ever. sick topics, sick thoughts. lol wall-e was fine. but i was too tired. so throughout the movie, i yawned. and yawned. and yawned.. tuition plus cream puffs yesterday must have drained all my energy. so effectively, only the last part caught my attention. haha.
miss my secondary school friends man. they remind me of all the good and bad times i had. haha, think my days on earth are turning emo.. boohoo.

2008-08-22T16:24:00.004+08:00

finally, one week. gp exam was badly screwed. i misread the question and wrote out of point. and ppl laughed at me. -.- wad a disappointment. econs paper 2 was still okay i tot. scribbled like mad as too many stuff were oozing through my mind. but the messier, the better.=) market failure wasnt a killer as speculated, lucky. in the end, i managed all three essays in time. so after econs, i suffered from intense pain in my arm due to lactic acid.
miraculously, i could do chem paper 3. or rather, scribble some rubbish on it. it turns out that i really scribbled rubbish onto it cus all my calculation values were wrong. wtf. but who cares. mug on for chem paper 1 and 2. this morning was bio paper. our paper was freaking easy, like even easier than last year A levels. this is undesirable. i felt guilty for not studying hard for it cus mr. lim has been a nice teacher, always encouraging me to study hard. i dun see teachers being so nice before. yet this time i will disappoint again. haiz.

ok now i shall talk about olympics, table tennis in particular. yea, its a bit lag to only blog about it at this point in time. it concerns singapore's women's table tennis player, feng tian wei. on her last match, she lost to world ranking number 1, zhang yinning by a close margin. all her game sets were so near to winning the game. In fact, Zyn won 4 games to 1 by (13-11, 12-14, 14-12, 12-10, 13-11). Even li jia wei was not able to sustain that kind of results in her match with the world's best. this proves that she's really got something in her, to be able to escalate in world's ranking from 73th to 9th in 9 months. haha, cant wait to see her represent singapore again next olympics. 7.30 tonight's gonna be LJW's match up against guo yue. i do hope that she can focus better during this match, even though its very likely that china would be winning all three medals for singles table tennis. -.=

2008-08-07T18:35:00.004+08:00

While clearing all the stuff to be handed over to the next EXCO, I came across an entire bag of cards, letters, gifts, photos... from our seniors, and some random ppl last year. some looked totally foreign to me, like i've never seen them before, after so long. but it feels great to be reading them after a year again. haha. The contents seem to be revolving around the same few topics, SYF, Aurora, Cabeza, Cello, and -.- It was lucky that i checked what should be passed down. If not, cassia would be receiving all these letters and cards for no reason. haha.

Ms masnidah left us on wed. though i always thought her lessons made me sleepy, but after all she's still a relatively good teacher in nj. On her last lesson, she did an experiment on us, just to prove that everything is within the mind. and if we stay strong, we can succeed in life. wishing her a speedy recovery from here.=)

After mugging for many weeks, I caught money not enough 2 on national day eve. Initially i found it a waste of money cause the jokes were so lame, and makes no sense. But towards the end of the movie, I felt that jack neo captured smth prominent in today's society, about ill-treating our parents. So overall, i thought my money wasnt that wasted.

Ok, time to study. Till then.

2008-07-27T20:35:00.007+08:00

Caal is getting me on my nerves, seriously. There seems to be some technical problems with my com, I cant click on the teacher to endorse thing. And so i gave up doing it until i feel like doing it again. LOL. thank god they extended the date to wednesday.
Service today was inspiring. Really, now I want to give more to others than to be a taker, wad u call a free-loader in life. I reached home around 6 to mug chem, and chem and more of chem. And now i plan to digest the entire chem book by prelims.
The past few weeks of my days on earth were considerably well, with god's strength. We got our restructured timetable and I bet our class ppl had one of the best timetables in the school. On mondays we have lessons on the first two and last two periods, for h1. six hours of free periods, how possible is that. Then there was much commotion. But everything was soon overcomed, and now i end lessons at 9.40 every monday. go to school for wad. -.- Mondays will soon become mugging at home days. haha.

2008-07-17T18:17:00.004+08:00

During math tutorial today i had the prolonged urge to strangle my math teacher to death. Or burn all my math notes. Theodore disagrees with me. Instead, he thinks lum's good. I started spamming him questions about something called complex numbers because i know nuts about it, and he isnt giving me an answer, until a point where he asked me. 'Are u okay.' LOL. Then when I tried to do math at home, my GC kind of went bonkers and started blinking like crazy. This explains my bad mood today. And the fact that my ulcer is hurting me so badly, with my braces drilling and poking it, for like three days alr.

I think my class people motivates me to study damn hard, but at the same time, i couldnt get things right. lol so i decided to take a break and start jamming on cello. And somehow, when I'm not very happy I focus better and my tone gets powerful and stronger than ever. funny.

Last day of the week tmr. i should spend my time wisely alr. haha. go online, msn in particular, less often but mug instead.

2008-07-08T17:35:00.006+08:00

I think Sun Yanzi rocks. wohoohohohooho! -.=

going to airport to send al off later. all the best to her. haha. meanwhile, I will start mugging already.

2008-07-02T21:20:00.005+08:00

Many weird things are happening to me recently. Like damn lot. But i have found answers to none yet. One thing i'm sure of - My Msn account is being hacked. Apparently, the hacker changed my nick to !! with a rainbow and present in front. He/She happens to know my old password (like 4 years ago) and always change my password back to that one. Idiot.

Few facts:
1. Hacker studies in National Junior College.
2. Hacker knows shirlene got chem lecture on tuesday at 3.40
3. Hacker tries to set me up with shirlene by asking her out with my name. He logs on the moment i go offline and starts talking to shirlene.
4. Hacker knows my current and old password. He must be a computer freak.
5. Jiahao talks to the hacker and brings in topic about ___, causing him to confide in the wrong person.
6. Hacker uses windows messenger and knows my window's font. like nobody knows.
7. Hacker keeps quiet or laugh when ppl ask if he/she is joson.
8. Hacker knows the existence of mr. lum.

and this is freaky. I told nobody my password since 3 years ago. I have no split personality, nor am i a ghost or mutant, clarice. The hacker was in action when danhong called me. Proven. haha.

Hacker, if u're a friend, and just happen to hack my account because u're a mega com freak, please put an end to this. I'm emotionally disturbed. -.=

Thanks.

2008-06-27T22:34:00.002+08:00

last day of the week. clarice's birthday. i was late in wishing her happy birthday because of mr. wee. haha, but sincerity still counts. went town with co ppl and some s20 ppl after school. we watched Wanted. and it was nice, my stomach was growling throughout the movie. went to eat after that, mh and the s20 girls left. jiahao was freaking amusing. the msn version of kerk thing thing, like yy said. but today, he was a live entertainer. and yy should have come. i suffered from indigestion because of him.
this week was a sickly week. and we got back our results. CESUU. E for GP and U for econs, which were disappointing. i seem to have given up hope on sciences, and i would have gone mad if i am ever studying them again in university. yet i must still mug them for the sake of A levels. zz

2008-06-20T23:29:00.003+08:00

i'm like supposed to do this. since it says "those who are tagged cannot refuse". and i'm obedient. smh tagged me.

* People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
* Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.
* These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people!

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
we'll go separate ways.

2. If you can have dreams come true, what would they be?
to be famous. like a world-class cellist. hahaha, ok joking. to be less sensitive and more responsive.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
never thought of it before. i'm still so young. -.=

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
i'm quite certain with what i want. until a few minutes ago.

5. What’s your ideal lover like?
one who doesnt doubt me at all.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
both. hahaha. i need to love to be loved.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
as long as my patience can last me.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
move on with life. find another one. -.=

9. Is there anything that’s made you unhappy these days?
i'm cheerful and positive and lively. its difficult to be unhappy for me. haha.

10. Is being tagged fun?
how fun can it get.

11. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
i could have been a millionaire, or married, or even dead. the future is never predictable.

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
everyone i know. my family. friends from school. friends from swiss.

13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
He is a spastic buddy of mine. nice at times. not so nice at times. hahaha. but a friend i will cherish.

14. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
married but poor. i cant stand money.

15. What’s the first thing you do every morning?
listen to first day. lol not funny. shower i think.

16. Would you give it all in a relationship?
if its worth it.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
hahaha. that shld not happen. pick the one i can communicate better with.

18. What type of friends do you like?
funny ppl. friends who appreciates and those i can talk freely to.

19. What type of friends do you dislike?
friends who are not my friends. does this make any sense.

seems like everyone has alr done it. haha.
if u read this, and have not done it, then do it.

2008-06-14T21:17:00.003+08:00

somehow, the images of syf last year and the tune of great vedigris bell kept playing in my mind tonight. think it must be due to our visit to adeline's house today, via her dad's van, just like last year. we were having post practices bonding sessions when we decided to go to her house. and it was one of the most crazy practices during that period.
today supposed to mug, but went to her house to watch this pointless movie called butterfly effects. it talks about insane people with sadistic mentalities. i think a pervert wrote it. so watching this can make u go crazy and start whacking ppl in their faces, or kill.. ok bad show.
think i've messed up too many things in life at this point. i'll need more time to think it over, again..

2008-06-06T00:27:00.008+08:00

i said i wanted to blog about the concert just now.
but it seems like i've lost my thoughts.
so i shall dictate out whatever happened today.
i realise i need friendships and relationships more than anything else in this world. quite random, but that's smth i found out about myself recently. sadly, ........
the first two songs of the concert was -_- i stopped for like, a note or so for bell bcus dz kept racing and we cldnt catch up. but it feels quite shuang to play bell again, even after syf. lol. but i thought the cello melody for winds cresenti today was one of the best versions we played throughout all practices.
my favourite item of the concert was qi dao by sheng ensemble. it was like damn emotional, and i kept listening to it from backstage.
we had to play for the strings ensemble today, and audrey and i only joined the practice this morning. so we were sightreading. couldnt really agree on the bowing and fingerings during practice since mr. lum wanted it synchronised. hah. different styles we've got. eventually, we still did freestyle fingering on stage, when i could not stand the harsh tone produced by A string. lool. a bit screwed. Alice was cool (the song), and everyone liked it. that 3/4 timing was fun, and it reminds me of sleeping beauty earlier this year.

oh and the photography ppl were too hiong alr.. they were like squatting in front of us and shooting like mad. audrey was targetted most this time. haha
co ended on a sad note, and it was quite unexpected. it was damn sad. and this feeling is tearing me apart. ..

2008-05-31T12:00:00.005+08:00

Aristal was amazing! and i liked chinese and western dance most. though most of my classmates are in malay and indian dance. haha, but great job though! 2 years ago, i came for aristal and sat at the first row of the first level, without knowing i'd ever be in UCC watching aristal again, this time with my classmates. and this year, yw was sitting at that seat i sat 2 years ago. lol such coincidence.. this year, we sat at the 2nd level and it was quite difficult to spot ppl, but i still spotted kendrick n regina easily. haha. overall, the dancers were great, the lighting was great, and aristal just left a mega impact on me. cool. i forgot to mention that it was raffles dance concert on the same day as aristal, and i met hw and wl on the train. probably the next time we meet wld be in their concert coming soon..

o7s19, aristal 2008.

In contrast, co concert is held on the coming thursday. after aristal, and the speculated-to-be great performance by hcco, it pains me to see that our standard is not even a tenth of theirs. SInce the ticket price is only 5 bucks, I would rather ppl come with the mentality of 'money for value', instead of setting expectations for us even before they come.

2008-05-14T18:59:00.005+08:00

2 papers down. i didnt memorise full multiplier, thinking it was too easy to appear in common test. sian. i'm having high hopes on gp compo, but compre was screwed thoroughly. even had half an hour worth of free time to visit the toilet. hah. today was crziness. i'm currently suffering from blood clot in the brain as well as spasm. -.-

2008-05-10T23:54:00.006+08:00

1 month later..

dh reminded me today is 10th may. a yr after syf. haha. it is an important date, esp for the ppl on stage. but sadly, my journey with co will come to an end soon. gonna venture fully into chamber music. thanks for the bits of fun, anxiety and distrust caused these 2 months. all shall end with the upcoming concert. lolz.

went studying at kap today. managed to randomly study sum stuff. anyway, hope that common test wld not be as bad as predicted. pray to pass all subjects. except for er.. maybe chem. -.=

2008-04-12T23:05:00.003+08:00

release of PW results.
it was like a blade stabbed right through my heart.
i felt life was unfair. the amount of work u put in just does not equate to the type of results u will get.
so we went to see ms chan for the breakdown.
and we had nothing to say.

2008-03-28T20:01:00.007+08:00

bad week.
got 1 mark for the math test on complex numbers. starting to fear, since common test are like 6 weeks away. gp was crap, tio-ed by the teacher for at least three times in two periods. and co was another disaster. one of the few things that brightened my week was probably snyo's concert. it was nice n impressive. so somehow, it inspired me. lolz.
hope for a more cheery week ahead.

2008-03-17T22:19:00.003+08:00

i realise tht this blog has turned into a conversation window for co ppl. and they are actually trying to drag me into it. haha. not bad, at least now i know it is still patronised by ppl.
while waiting for someone to bathe, decided to type a bit, exercise my fingers instead of stonning. lolz. time is precious. i wasted my holidays in ways i cannot even describe, such that i have to devote the first day of school completely to mugging. pathetic.

i just hope whtever i studied today will appear in my papers tmr.

2008-03-09T22:23:00.002+08:00

today is a physical + mental torture.
my arms and legs are on the verge of breaking apart. bet i can do 10 pull ups and run 2.4 within 9 mins now. lol lol. my mind, in the state of confusion, that i can hardly think. i need a rest.
concert with soka symphony orch just ended. all the practices are finally worth it, and i feel i've gained new insights too. with one less commitment now, i can set my mom at ease, so she will stop nagging at me for spending too little time at home.
co camp starts tmr. but i doubt i'll have enough energy to enjoy the camp alr.

2008-02-17T18:56:00.003+08:00

after weeks, my com regained consciousness.
chingay ended yesterday.
lol i don regret joining chingay log team. cus every volunteer in that team rocks.
we got both the shittiest and the coolest tasks in the parade. like blading with the floats n watching the show.
there are of course, consequences to blading. my crippled leg n swollen ankle, knee caps, butt explains everything. haha. fell down like a few times during the parade and got laughed at.
but at least, now i've mastered the art of blading rite. -.=
looking forward to another log outing soon.

2008-02-03T21:54:00.000+08:00

2 days ago i received news from my dad that my cousin's motorcycle crashed. and he died on the spot that morning. the news came as a shock to me, and it was seriously unbelievable. life is weak. and unpredictable. why are we born into the world, to struggle so much, just for few moments of glory. n when we die, a funeral is all we get. the dead will slowly be forgotten in years to come.
perhaps after all, wad we leave behind might matter more than wad we take away with us, since everything will soon be null when life ends. which could be any moment.=)

2008-01-04T20:30:00.000+08:00

finally, its friday.

today was cca carnival. hanged around the school, eat and drink, and promoting for co, snt, art club, interact club. haha but the main focus was co. because we had flyers. too much of them.
Posters were also spammed all over, including toilet cubicles. and so the response wasnt too bad, from wad i heard and saw. haha
any way welcome to the j1s.=)

i'm starting to like nj more n more each day, even though lessons are boring as usual.

2007-12-16T12:54:00.001+08:00

6th December. tiger airways

7th n 8th December

our beds, covered by a mosquito net.

Friendship Dance with them.

The chaotic IT n english lessons.

Oh Marconi

So we had to plan real hard for the lesson nxt day.

9th december. walk through the village

Arm led us through the foreign village.

This is Arm.

and this is leg. cute names they've got. lol

Replanting

future professional photographer.
Shots taken by Arm:

This would be their 'swimming pool'.

We sang and danced this thai song for them, together with sum national day songs.

while they put up skits and dances for us. and the tsunami skit was damn touching.

This lantern had our prayers for the kids in it.

good luck kids.

beautiful fireworks, taken by mh.

10th December. gdbye to chao thai mai.

LIFE 5!

2007-11-24T01:16:00.001+08:00

as requested, i shall post on my bday. a summarised one, i hate typing long posts. lol.

chalet with sum co ppl. played twisters, had lunch @ burger king. and at night, went to explore watchtower n red house tgt with dad (alvin), jinxian n shihao. the path that leads to watchtower was too dark, and so we didnt walk in. we had nothing with us. red house looked so eerie, especially with 2 lion statues at the gate. we saw another group of 10 odd ppl coming out and whispering that they saw smth. so how true can it be? haha. nxt day was a bday surprise? a big cake saying "要乖哦". i will be good=) i kinda ruined the cake while cutting it. lol. feeling thankful to everyone, my dad and adeline for all that.

oh, and they dyed my hair golden as a bday gift. and the outcome as shown.

cellobass gave a baby poster, so now i knw wad else to put on my msn dp alr. haha

and my dad (alvin) even bought me a wallet, not old, nice=) thx!

on the actual day, met huiying and yuheng to watch movie, but ended up playing pool cus we missed the stop to cine. haha. apparently i was on bday luck. and had my bday wish fulfilled (to win hy in pool). lol. finally had to go for my "cnt-p0n cell0 less0n"(quote). anw, we're so fated to meet again. at the cck mrt station. haha.

lesson was torturous, mentally n physically. thank god it ended fast. we headed to bugis to meet si'en. she waited for damn long, and we reached only around 8 plus. brought us to this restaurant. er. forgot the name. food was good. i decided to treat them instead. but realised i did not bring enough usable cash. lol. wad a joke.
afterwards, they bought another small cake from tcc. and cus we were too full, they made me bring it home. and that piece of cake, is currently laying peacefully in my stomach while i type this.

kk.. shall blog about the rest nxt time, after the chalet. thank you everyone. i luv you all.

2007-11-19T13:32:00.000+08:00

into maple story these few days, despite knowing that it is a lame game that wastes my time. haha. tonned playing maple and spamming junk food last night, resulting in the terrible sore throat today. i regret.
anw, didnt manage to get the tickets for shanghai night. the concession tickets were already sold out before we could get them. sad. the long awaited concert since july or august? but nevertheless, i will still get someone to record it down. haha.
did suntec again and their attitude towards the staff were superb. polite, helpful and empathetic. that night was dinner for standard chartered. and they had 350 plus tables. the hall was so damn freaking big and we had to walk thru and fro to get the drinks and meals.. luckily i had a good partner. haha. we were chatting and watching the perf while serving despite being next to a vip table. that night was good and i got my pay straight after. thank god.

2007-11-12T10:10:00.000+08:00

took away the headings cus someone said it looked emo haha.

went for badminton with the e5 guys. n i realised that the last time we went was during O lvls release of results, which was long ago. haha so after that went back home to prepare for lessons. while they went back home to change for cip. it was so coincidental to meet some of them on the mrt again on the way back.

anw. i just found out recently that a cello can be otherwise termed as a 'za dan', which explains why zh called it a 'za dan' all the way. ha has.

Shanghai Night

Sat 24 Nov, 8.00pm
Singapore Conference Hall

2007-11-08T09:54:00.000+08:00

changed skin, just for fun.
this looks cooler than the previous. ha.

anw first day at work at mandarin oriental hotel. it was horrible.
i was a slave for the day.
doing everything due to lack of manpower.
and the managers suck big time.
wad's their fcking problem screaming from 7am to 6pm. then i learnt i must nv think rationally, but think in a way that would suit his irrational mentality. basically the whole day sucks lah.

2007-11-03T23:44:00.001+08:00

"No hero without a battle scar" - The invincible -.-

today was a tiring day. tomorrow will still be one. everything will only end on monday. and we'll get back our rightful freedom!

went for briefing in the morning at buona vista on the cip trip to Khao Lak. They showed us pictures of the place and where we're gonna sleep in. It looks pathetic. but all the more it interests me. heeh.

right, bedtime.

2007-10-29T18:20:00.001+08:00

and so.
year 1 came to an end. it was a fruitful year. exciting, eventful, and sulky at some parts of the year. it was so interesting such that when i look back, i could still, clearly rmb those days when when i was crazily mugging for O lvls.
Those days of tiring holiday work till late at night.
Days of orientation in cj, particularly the day we went for dragon boating and dipped into Kallang river lol.
The days of fun n laughter, bridge n pool, excitement n joy with my ex-class. (such that up till now, i could still vividly remember cj's school song, but not nj's).
The day we got back our O lvl results, and began desperately planning for our next 2 years. apparently, it was nj for me. and therefore,
The appeal audition to nj.
Crashing nj, n spider-flying over the fence.
The posting results
The seemingly boring, but ironically fun co camp.
The outings with co ppl.
The days of tiresome yet fulfilling practices in co. Every bit of preparation for syf and aurora.
Speech day @ swiss cottage.
not exams or tests, i cant rmb any. ha.

ok that summarizes this year.
time flies. really.
j1 has been so eventful. so will j2 be? lol hopefully.
life goes on. n its time to look forward.
haha.

today's shanly's birthday. yea, so happy birthday, if she ever sees this. ha.
and A lvls tmr. good luck to everyone, taking it.
alright. thats it. cya n

2007-10-22T22:21:00.001+08:00

got my first ever A in nj today, not counting chinese. haha.
came as a shock; i was expecting C or D instead.
so i checked the name again, making sure i didnt take the wrong script, n started t count the marks over n over again.
it was true. woah. for that, i'm happy for myself.
other papers turned out to be more nightmares for me. like 16 marks for chem n E for gp? haha.
nevertheless, i'm contented with the results alr, given the insanity of nj papers.
okok.

2007-10-21T20:42:00.000+08:00

results gonna be out tmr.
i dont give a damn nw.
ha. if i retain, so be it.
no regrets, cus i've done me studying. lolz

ok, good luck to those taking O lvls. first paper starts tmr.
haha =)

2007-10-20T14:58:00.000+08:00

we decided t have another pw meeting at SIM today.
to save ourselves frm getting U for pw. ha..
managed to do the slides, n design of T-shirt which turned out t look good.
a pity it cldnt be in our wr.

life is so screwed for nw,
everything seem to be out of place
wished nothing was true frm the start.
haiz.

2007-10-16T15:14:00.001+08:00

today was a rather busy n tiring day.
woke up late, rushed to school.
had to skip all the morning lessons and camp in the com lab to work on our poorly done wr.
luckily, we managed to add in everything needed this morning, and the final product was still acceptable. phew!
with all the wr shit officially over, its now down to op. and more more more work! yay.

bbq with ig last night was nice.
except that it worsened the condition of my throat. lolz

ok lol i'm totally burnt out for the day.
have to now replenish my energy,
before i cn start on hmwk againnnn.
zz.

2007-10-13T15:09:00.000+08:00

we had our first ever pw meeting today.
a bit late ah.
but still, glad to knw that our wr will soon be done and over with.
=)
haha.

2007-10-11T15:29:00.000+08:00

heard that mr. low said more than 1 person in our class gonna retain!
omg isit true?
just hope its notttt me. *prayyyy!*
but i really have no idea wad r my chances of retaining.
lol
anyway cj's open house is tmr. tgt with aj n ny, i heard.
i shall go back tmr, hahah
and skip the last few useless lessons, if need be. who cares. its the end of exam.
looking forward to mre mre mre t30 class outings, and mre co practices soon! hah.
anyway today's sx's birthday. so happybirthday pal.
okok!